


Saudade

by bellzq



Category: Football RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-08
Updated: 2014-10-08
Packaged: 2018-02-20 08:12:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2421521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellzq/pseuds/bellzq
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ricky's feelings and thoughts on Sheva not being there anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Saudade

**Author's Note:**

> Set when Ricky was at Real Madrid (before going back to Milan and then leaving for São Paulo). Ricky's POV.  
> English isn't my first language so please point any mistakes!   
> More notes and the meaning of "saudade" on the bottom.  
> Enjoy :)

But how I miss you. Saudade, and you don’t even know what that is, but how I feel it, how it hurts, how it is present. Mi manchi, I miss you, Я сумую за тобою. Twenty two, seven, always twenty two and seven. Silly to say that, cliché, but it’s true that when we’re younger, life is easier. I didn’t know anything, didn’t have to, and that was for the better. But you came and taught me everything. Taught me to the point of leaving, of sending me away too. If it isn’t broken, don’t fix it, “don’t mess with a team that is winning” as they say there, but the team was losing. The problem is that I was winning and now I’m not anymore. The team is, but I’m not part of it, understand? I’m sure you see it, follow the news channels, the internet, the whole world talks about it. I follow you. I look for you, and I don’t find much. I don’t understand your language (but Я люблю тебе). It’s easier for you to find me (I know you search). Do you have my number? I have my phone with me all the time now, I’ve been addicted to that Instagram thing, do you know what that is or are you too old? If you call me I’ll answer. I’ll say hello in our language and tell you that I miss you, mi manchi, but I’ll say it as if I don’t mean anything, as someone who says “let’s get together someday” but that day never comes. We’ll never get together, because it’s too dangerous. I’d take the first plane on a day off, cross the continent to meet you in any cheap hotel, any apartment that you own. But I can’t go, because no one can know and I can’t see you. If I see you I’ll miss you more and I’ll have to leave sometime, because our end is already over. Yeah, even the end could end for us. You went, came back, went again, I went and I’m almost going. I can’t take it anymore. I wish I could go back… Not home, like you did, but to our place. It’ll always be ours and it’ll always be my favourite city. I know all the people, all the spots, and I wish I could call it home, but it embarrasses me. I’d let many people down. So this is our secret – our home. And we know it’ll never be the same. I remember our moments with endless caring, pain and joy that mix deep down with this saudade feeling. Always saudade. Did you know I have our picture on the wall? But she’s the one who put it there. She exhibits my trophies, and our photo is there amongst many. Not that I don’t want that, but I don’t like to expose myself in this way. You know that. The huge smiles for the pictures were for pure kindness, I don’t know how to be rude. Specially back then… Nowadays I’ve grown. I’m no longer twenty two. Life makes you rougher, doesn’t it? I’ve always seen that on you. We’re an antithesis – your delicacy is only seen inside, and so is my coldness. But I don’t believe in people who complete each other. You don’t complete me, you add to me. Twenty nine? Two hundred and twenty seven? Something like that. The truth is that you made me used to sin and then left me alone, made me addicted and forced me to sober up. What you don’t admit is that the process is exactly the same in your side of the story. Ending the “saudade” is the relapse... I’ll never get that plane.

**Author's Note:**

> Saudade is a Portuguese word,without and English translation, and it can be defined as "a feeling of nostalgic longing for something or someone that one was fond of and which has been lost. It often carries a fatalist tone and a repressed knowledge that the object of longing might never really return. It was once described as 'the love that remains' or 'the love that stays' after someone is gone." Duolingo also has a set of nice definitons: http://blog.duolingo.com/post/63091994846/saudade-as-defined-by-our-brazilian-community
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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